Step inside the mind of my husband

A few years ago we were planning a trip to California. I suggested that we bike across the Golden Gate bridge (doesn't that sound fun!) This was his response:
"why would I pay to do that when someone can kick me in the nuts for free?"

It's Not Always Gonna Be Easy

Recently, when I listen to people talk on the news about the little girl Christina who was killed in the Arizona shooting I can't help but make compairisons to Lady Jane. When they were describing her, "A very tenacious little girl but still very sensitive." I couldn't help but think that would be how I would describe my daughter. Then, morbid as it may sound, I couldn't help but think about what our lives would be like without our little tasmanian devil and I didn't like what I saw.

While Lady Jane challenges me everyday, she has made me take a good look at the person I am and be aware of how I am living my life. Having her here on the planet has made me a better person. I think I have also mentioned before how boring life would be without a little crazy in it.

I hope she realizes that while we frequently may but heads I am so very thankful she is in my life, and thank God for allowing me the chance to raise her.

I Felt God's love in the bathroom at Carribean Cove

Let me tell you why I love tankini's. It is not because they are so fashionable. I love tankini's because when you are at the pool with two little girls they make going to the bathroom a snap. One of my pet peeves is pulling with all my force to get an already wet swimsuit back up your body, while the suit hugs defiantly around your thighs. It seems the harder you pull the tighter the suit becomes around your legs. Therefore, it is the suit of choice for me and my two daughters.

So, now let me tell you why I hate tankini's. There is more to keep track of when you are packing a swim bag. Once, I sent Lady Jane to camp only to get a call when they were on the way to the pool because I had apparently given her Lady Janes top and Baby girls bottom. In my defense, Lady Jane only realized they were not her bottoms when she could not pull them up past her knees.

That being said, I will begin my story. Lady Jane and Buster brown won a trip to Carribean Cove, an indoor waterpark, for selling an obsene amount of magazines for the schools fundraiser. I needed to take advantage of their free admission sometime over winter break and my time was quickly dwindling away. I decided really on the last possible day I would venture bymyself with my three crazy children to the water park which was an hour away from my house.

I packed the swim bag making sure I had a suit for everyone (I have made that mistake before) and that all the suits had their respected pieces. I checked and then double checked and we were off.

We entered the steaming water park and headed to the bathrooms to change in our suits. "This is going to be so fun!" Baby girl exclaimed. Lady Jane quickly snatched her suit and went into a changing room. I started digging for the rest our suits in the buldging swim bag.

"Mom! You didn't pack me a top, only a bottom and the cover-up skirt that goes with it!" Lady Jane shouts in despiration.

"No, your joking." I say knowing full well that she is not at all joking. I had forgotten that this particular tankini had a cover-up skirt that went with it. Lady Jane pulled back the curtain, tears welling up in her eyes and her chin begins to quiver. I am trying to think of all the ways I could remedy this situation. She clearly can not swim in the long sleeve shirt she is wearing with the skirt on the bottom. I am starting to wonder in my head if I can fashion the fast food wrappers on the floor in my car into some sort of a bikini when my daydream is interupted.

"Did you forget her top?" asks a friendly Mom in the dressing room who has heard everything go down.

"Yes" I say defeated, my head hung in shame.

"You can have my daughters." She says as she hands me the exact size tankini top I need. I stand there in disbelief for a moment holding the suit.

"but how will I get it back to you?" I protest.

"it is OK, I need to buy my daughter a new suit anyway." she informs me.

I thank her profusly, but feel like no amount of words can really let her know how much her act of kindness has meant to me. We all leave the dressing room feeling so appreciative we are able to enjoy the waterpark.

I long for a time when I can pay it forward, from this strangers act of kindness and make someone feel as loved as I did when she handed my that wet tankini top.

Moms! Has this ever happened to you?

It is the end of the day, you just wrestled three kids into bed and you collapse on the couch in a heap. You feel drained of all energy and find you can't even hold your head up properly. You decided to let your heavy cheek fall into your hand in an effort to keep your noggin looking up. That is when you soon discover that your hands have the strange odor of soap and poop.

While a normal person would remove their hand in disgust you find you are too tired. Instead you start to ponder how a smell like that could even come to be? Wouldn't the soap wash away the poop? Is there poop somewhere else besides my hand you could be smelling?

I'm just saying, these are questions a Mom asks herself.

Fall, Fun but Dangerous

We decided a great way to spend a weekend in October would be to go to the dairy farm festival. They had a hay mound to climb, a corn maze, a tiny train for the kids to ride, a hay ride, not to mention being able to see the baby and grown up cows. It was a lot of fun.

One of the attractions that particularly entertained my children was the "Corn Crib." The corn crib was a barn that had two giant boxes like sand boxes only instead of sand they were filled with corn. You could dig and slide and have a great time in this corn. Lady Jane even informed me that one little girl jumped into the corn with a skirt on and when she stood up the skirt was no longer. Now that is fun.

When the corn crib had lost it's appeal we moved on. We spent hours doing different activities they had on the farm. Before we left we decided we would let the kids play on the hay mound one more time. Hubby and I sat blissfully on the side as our children played. Suddenly, we were snapped out of our blissful state by the cry of baby girl running over, "My tush hurts!"

"OK, did you fall down on it?"
"No"
"Did you poop in your pants?"
"No"
So the mystery of the hurting tushy was not solved there. We did, however, decide that this would be a good stopping point and to top the afternoon off with a trip to Dairy Queen. On the car ride to Dairy Queen, Baby Girl continues her screams, "MY. TUSH. HURTS!" I felt baffled, I didn't know what to do for her.

When we arrived at Dairy Queen we soon discovered that several sports teams had also settled on an afternoon at the Queen and the place was packed. After we got in line I quickly informed my husband I was going to take Baby Girl to the bathroom. This is when she yelled, "I DON'T HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM, I JUST NEED TO GET THIS CORN OUT OF MY TUSH!"

The record player scratched, both the football and softball teams stop and look. I gave them the look of, 'What? You've never had corn in your tush?' then push past them into the bathroom. I pull down Baby Girl's pants and like machine gun fire kernels of corn hit the floor of the bathroom.

Mystery solved.

From the Mouths of Babes

Me: "Baby girl, go put on some underwear."

Baby Girl: "Why? Are we going somewhere?"

Me: "No, it's just that wearing underwear is a good thing to do."

An Actual Conversation from My House

I received a Victoria's Secret catalog in the mail

"Why are all these Mommy's only wearing underwear?" Buster Brown asks so innocently.

"Oh my son, I am pretty certain that those are NOT Mommy's!"

Be Still My Heart

Baby Girl is getting her first taste of being away from Mom. If you consider twice a month going to class in the same school where your Mom is teaching P.E. away. It turns out this is starting to get hard for her. I have never had this problem with either of my other kids, no separation anxiety, nothing. So, this is all new to me.

The other day I was coming in from recess duty as Baby Girl was going out with her class. One look at me and she fell apart. It was not an obnoxious cry, it was a genuine cry of her wanting to be with me. I have seen other children do this with their parents and I would silently judge, "come on, just pry them off your leg and get on with it!" I would yell in my head. In the moment it happened to me I realized that it is not that easy, at least for me it wasn't. I put on a brave front and gave her a quick squeeze and kiss then gave her to her teacher. I really did have to fight back tears as I did this. I knew this was what was best for her, but it still hurt. There is something about knowing that you are the only comfort this little being you love so much wants, and for their own good you can't give it to them.

So I did what any Mom would do, I pretended it didn't bother me than quickly ran to the nearest window to spy on her and make sure she was O.K. When I got to the window I saw Baby girl and Buster Brown in conversation on the playground. It brought me so much happiness to know that even thought Baby Girl is not his favorite person, when push came to shove he loved her and didn't want to see her upset.

That is when it happened, he leaned over and gave her a hug then invited her to play with his friends on the playground. I don't know many other parenting moments that have brought me so much joy. That is a memory that I hope I will always have with me to bring out when I am having a ruff day.

I'm Just Not Feelin' it

Let me preface this post by saying I am very grateful for my children and think life would be painfully boring if they were not around.

However, there are some days when I am just not feeling it. What I would give just to have one day where I could pull the covers over my head and stay in bed. I would love to have one day where I would pick up the house and everything would stay where I had put it. One day where I just wouldn't make lunch because I wasn't hungry and didn't feel like making lunch.

I imagine having a day like this, one day off. Then, the next day, when I saw my children again I would be refreshed and recovered and healed. I would be a better mother to them because I had one day off. Today I am longing for one of those days.

An Actual Coversation From My Car

Lady Jane asks, "Mom, what is a sexual organ?"
To which Buster brown replies, "a saxophone."
There is silence, which says to me that this answer has satisfied her and so I leave it at that.

These Kids, no respect

Now I know I haven't mentioned this but I took the position of P.E. teacher this year at my children's school. My husband calls this stalking, I call it being "involved". Anyway, our gym is a cafeterium. Meaning we do everything there, eat breakfast, lunch, have gym, assemblies, etc.

So, yesterday I was putting up tables and getting ready for class when I saw another sweatshirt on the floor. I feel like there are always like five sweatshirts on the floor in the gym. In my head I am cursing the child who has left their sweatshirt on the floor like this is their house and I am there mother picking up after them. I get enough of this at home I don't need to bring this to my place of employment.

I make my way over to the sweatshirt and flip up the tag hoping the name is in there somewhere so I can return the sweatshirt and enlighten the owner to pick up their clothes. I look down only to see my own name staring back at me. So, it was my child's sweatshirt and I was their mother picking it up. They are going to hear about this. I know they love having me around at school more!

Riddle me this Batman

I am sitting on my computer, minding my own business when a bottomless two-year-old marches up to me and says, "I didn't poop in my pants it was an accident." toddlersayswhat?!

I decide I should inspect the nearest bathroom. I flinch and heave as though I have just wandered onto a murder scene. There were poopy undies on the floor, but the dog had taken care of it and now neither the dog or the poop was anywhere to be found.

Parenting lesson 2345: I tuck away in my memory bank that when baby girl ends anything with, 'it was an accident' that means to ignore whatever she has said previously and quickly get the dog outside.

by the way, my camera may have broke for the final time yesterday so my posts will be depressingly sans photos.....at least until christmas I hope

Look at what a great mom I am!

The other day when I had just laid baby girl down for her nap. I hurried to the shower to take advantage of my free moment. While I had been unable to take a shower the day before I found this shower to be particularly relaxing and I was relishing every moment of the hot water.

That is when Buster Brown peeked his head in as he usually does. "Mom, is it OK if I make a sword?" He asked in his sweetest little boy voice. "Of course, sweet heart." I replied still feeling the effects of the soothing shower. I knew that we had just read a story yesterday about Franklin the turtle making a sword from cardboard and my boy found that particularly amazing.

I continued to let the hot water wash over me and was particularly pleased with my parenting skills at the moment. I was able to have some free time and my little man was entertaining himself not with the TV but with a craft.

When I got out of the shower I was a little shocked when Buster revealed his craft. Apparently he had gone to the best place to get craft materials in our house, the recycle bin. His sword was made of empty beer cans and a wrapping paper roll. My dreams of becoming Mom of the year quickly faded. While I let him play with it for a while we did make him disassemble it on trash day.

Parenting Happiness

Since school has started we have been particularly busy. There are cross country and flag football practices, girl scout meetings, birthday parties, meets and games, and the list goes on and on.

What I have noticed is despite the hectic schedule, I am loving it. I am loving this phase of life when I am up to my ears in sewing badges on sashes and Tae kwon do uniforms. I love cheering them on at their games. I love taking them to the playground and just spending time with my kids. I love their contagious belly laughs. I love sleepovers, OK maybe not the sleepovers so much (it can't all be blissful).

They are getting so big and I hope I appreciate every minute, because when we are at Holiday World or cooking out in the backyard I look around and think there will come a time when they would rather be with their friends then with us, so for now I will soak up every minute of their time with me.

The Pinch Heard 'round the World

OK, every family has a dirty little secret, some little bad habit that goes on behind closed doors. Some may burp at the table, some may fart at will, others like to walk around in their underwear. What is ours you ask? We pinch each others buns. Dad pinches Mom's, Mom pinches Son's, everyone pinches Baby Girl's and Baby Girl pinches Dad. Well, you get the idea.

Yesterday our Dirty little secret was exposed. Buster Brown pinched one of his classmate's buns. As a Mom this is when I know a bad habit has gone too far. I just kept thinking of his poor kindergarten classmate who may not be used to bun pinching and doesn't know that in the eyes of Buster Brown this means I like you and you are officially my buddy.

The teacher told me what had happened and I wanted to blurt out, "I don't know where he learned that! Probably his father." But I kept my mouth shut and shoved my pinchers in my pockets.

So, last night at dinner we made a conscience decision to lay our pinchers to rest. There will be no more red buns in our home.

We should be living in the country because...

when my husbands truck backfires the neighbors think there has been gunfire and call the police.

It's a twister!

Let me preface this story by saying that for about one week in a row we were having bad storms triggering the tornado warning siren to go off. While tornadoes are something that I don't take lightly, when you hear a certain siren everyday you start to loose the urgency you once felt.

One night I had apparently gotten the flu (who gets the flu in the summer!?) anywho the next day I was totally wiped out and just trying to get by let alone take care of my kids.

On this day, I was using every once of my energy to walk into the house from the car, and the siren goes off for the umpteenth time this month. Lady Jane turns to me and asks,"since we don't have a basement should I go in the closet?"

I found myself unable to utter anything but, "yes, go in the closet." Then I proceeded to drag my body to my bed where I heard the whole scene play out.

Lady Jane insisted that baby girl get in the closet with her. Baby girl soon found that getting into the closet wearing her cinderella plastic shoes was more of a challenge than she had anticipated. Soon I heard a giant crash followed by a tiny voice, "Holy Smokes!" Normally, such a crash would have sent me running toward the noise but I lacked the energy and so the scene continued.

Now that Lady Jane knew her sister was somewhat safe on the closet floor she decided to set her sights on the dog. Using grapes to lure him she eventually did manage to wrangle him into the closet and shut the door with the three of them inside. Soon after my husband came around the corner just in time to see the scene.

Apparently being shut in the closet with two little girls sent the dog into a sort of a panic. Hubby saw the closet door fly open and the dog with his forehead on Lady Jane's stomach catapulting her out of the closet.

There never was a tornado, but my mind has been put at ease knowing we have had that little drill.

Have you noticed?

First of all, I know it's been a while but I got a bit caught up in the summer maddness lately. Besides our vacation I am finding summer to be exahsting. Keeping the kids entertained running from activity to activity. Only 8 more years and Riley can drive herself!

Ok, I'm getting off of my negative wagon. Lately I have been making an observation about my sleep habits. When I was in High School or even college I would go to sleep because it was bedtime or I was thinking that I need to go to sleep now to get enough sleep for the night.

Now-a-days I collapse into my bed and exhausted heap. I go to sleep because I find it exhausting to keep my eyelids open any longer. Gone is the eternal energy of my youth. I would really like some of that energy back. Perhaps it is my age or perhaps it is the the energy parasites I hang out with all day. I mean don't get me wrong, I have a lot of fun hanging out with my kids and even am making a concious decision to be home with them, but even during the fun times they are EXHAUSTING!

I would write more but I am too tired.

Hallelulerrr!!!

We have had a breakthrough at our house. The poops are actually making it in the potty! How did we get baby girl to use the pot, you ask? Lollipops. I was hesitant to use this technique, but was reaching the end of my rope. I was sick of changing poopy underwear about twice a day.

Yesterday I was feeling particularly desperate to get the poops in the potty so I took a gamble. I let her go buck naked. This way she had nothing to poop in, although I was risking finding a log somewhere on the floor. I decided it was worth it.....and it worked. The poop landed in the potty. We whooped, danced, called daddy and gave a sucker. I made sure she knew it was because she pooped that she got a sucker.

It worked so well that her second poop of the day also made it in the potty, so I gave her another sucker. Then, later on, she decided she wanted to go for round three. Three poops in one day? I thought this was pushing it a bit. She sat down on the potty and went to work. I was thinking, 'man, she sure does want a sucker.' Then I started to worry she may give herself some hemorrhoids. It turns out she was unsuccessful in willing herself to poop but I am proud to say she has made it in the potty every time since! It is a happy day.

Ahh, summer

As school wound to a close I found I was looking forward to the freedom of sleeping in, if you believe that sleeping until 7:30 is sleeping in. I was also looking forward to living in the moment and doing as we pleased. If the weather was nice we would go to the pool. If we had time in the day we would wander over to the library. If it wasn't too hot we could play at the park. This type of attitude does not fly with Lady Jane at all.

I soon discovered that I would be awoken every morning at 7:00 just as I was during the school year with an eight year old face in mine shouting, "What are we doing today Mom?" To which I would reply, "I don't know! I just don't know!" another fine parenting moment.

I soon came to realize, and it took me eight years to figure this out, that Lady Jane craves structure. No, she NEEDS structure. When school is out she longs for the strict schedule, social interaction and mental challenges she faces when she goes to school everyday.

I noticed I would not be able to have the laissez faire summer I was dreaming of. I need to make her a schedule. Without it she feels as if she is in a free fall with nothing to stop her. So if you will excuse me I am off to schedule in some quality time at the pool.