The church incedent

So, you may have noticed, as I have, that all my posts have something to do with poop. Ben suggested that I change the title of my blog to the 'poop scoop'. While I considered that, I decided I would redeem myself with a poop-free story. I think it is just that I know that poop is always good for a cheap laugh.

When Ben had first started at the fire department, I was determined to be able to do things that we had once done together by myself. Just because I now had three kids I was not going to hide in my home and never do things just because he was away. So in a brave effort I decided to take the kids to church by myself. At this point Sammy was only a couple months old. I was scared but I knew I had to put on a brave front and not let the enemy (Riley and George) know I was feeling weak.

Things were going along well. I was beginning to feel very proud of myself. We stood up to sing a song and I heard George say, "I'm stuck". I looked down to notice that he had jammed his elbow in the little book shelf that comes out about three inches from the back of each pew. I bent down to pull his elbow out. Suddenly his cries became louder, "I'm stuck, I'M STUCK"

I handed Sammy to the people in the pew behind me. I was later relieved to find out that I knew them. The song is over and people are sitting and the only thing that can still be heard is George now screaming, "I'M STUCK!"

I know in this situation I am supposed to be the calm and cool mother who soothes her child, but for some reason I just can not stop laughing. It may have been a nervous reaction because I found I was also sweating profusely.

People from two pews up and two pews back start helping me get my sons elbow dislodged from the bookshelf. One man began to look in his diaper bag for a screwdriver to undo the shelf. (I was impressed to think he might have a screwdriver in his diaper bag) the people behind me gave me their chap stick to rub on his elbow. The man in front was pulling on the shelf to make in wider and get the elbow out.

I look up and see that our elderly priest has decided to ignore the incident and continue with the service even though it appears that not one person in the congregation is actually paying attention to him. All eyes are on George.

Scenarios start to run through my head. If we have to call an ambulance and Ben has to come to get the elbow out I am going to be so embarrassed. Am I going to have to go up and interrupt the priest and explain to him what is going on? Should I yell, "does anyone have a screwdriver?" in the middle of church.

Riley begins to laugh, I turn and tell her this is not funny. While I try to hide the fact that I myself can not stop laughing. Finally, someone two pews up hands me a tube of lotion that I squirt all over his elbow which slowly becomes dislodged.

And that is what happened when I attempted to take the kids to church by myself. I don't know, poop may be funnier.